You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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