You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
