It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
