Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
