im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize