If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
