arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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