What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
