Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
