oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
