Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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