I feel like abortions should bother me more
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
