I wish I could punch you in the face.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
