hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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