a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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