If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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