At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
