suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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