is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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