So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
