**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
