The maid of honor just puked.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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