You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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