Im at strip club and am horny
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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