I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
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I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
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I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
How does one acquire holy water?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking