he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
These 23 People Are Living Shocking Lies
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
The 17 Absolute Worst Divorces Imaginable
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate