It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
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my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
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You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops