I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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