its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
