i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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