we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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