she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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