i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
