Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
