he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
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doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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