Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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