Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
that's an acceptable place to lick
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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