I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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