Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he fucked my hip out of place.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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