nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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