At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
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we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
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I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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