i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
