Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
