Say something about gay babies.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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