why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
