I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
