okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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