I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
