It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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