Tell her she can't have a vagina
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i came on her dog
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
