38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
