i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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