Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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