i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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