I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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