are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
