she looked like the before picture.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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