I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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