All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
