I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
