oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
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Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
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Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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