i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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