im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize