I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
