do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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