RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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