I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
one two three fourrrrnication!
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
