my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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