If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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