Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
