Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize