He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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