im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How does it feel to date your dad?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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