When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
