I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
