we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
