I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
