I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
