I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
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Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
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I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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