i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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