two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize